so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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