It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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