Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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