Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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