somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize