I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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