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this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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