So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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