my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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