I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
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Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
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After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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