it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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