what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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