So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize