just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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