Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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