last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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