let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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