A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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