it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize