My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
two words: eviction party
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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