perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
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i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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