I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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