omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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