I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My cat gives me a boner
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
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AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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