Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
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Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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