You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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