Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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