five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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