what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize