She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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