we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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