Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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