I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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