now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize