Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You're earring is so big in my mouth
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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