I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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