I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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