i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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