you have to choose: penises or morals?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
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It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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