it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
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Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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