I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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