i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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