I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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