Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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