If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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