I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize