Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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