My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
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its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
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It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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