she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize