just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
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Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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