On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
farters have to be the big spoon...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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